| Phrase |
Translation |
| "I'm tired" |
You look like you're about ready to crack and I'm going to crush you. |
| "I'm out of shape" |
I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate. |
| "I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape" |
I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes. |
| "I'm on my beater bike" |
I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce. |
| "It's not that hilly" |
This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon. |
| "You're doing great, honey" |
Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance. |
| "This is a no-drop ride" |
I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs. |
| "It's not that far" |
Bring your passport. |
Now you know to be ready when 27 time ironman finisher Fast Eddie drops you one of these lines |
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